We lived in California when we first rescued our little red-headed dog. It was the first time we had lived with a dog in several years, and the first time we had an exclusively indoor dog (I say with some shame). It was very important to me that he and the cats learned to live side by side in harmony quickly. We also wanted him to learn to interact with other dogs and with people well, and he was a natural. He's very smart and very friendly, although he tends to get a little possessive of us (especially me). Our housing development had a green space around a community center, and at sunset every day, when the oppressive heat of the desert finally eased, a large number of residents came outside to walk our dogs and socialize. An off-leash dog park evolved out of this community time although it was not sanctioned by the officials in charge of the community center. There were usually a couple dozen of dogs playing together, and fast friends helping keep everyone in the confines of the grassy area and keeping it clean. It was a special time, until someone moved into the neighborhood and complained to the management and ruined it for all of us.
A few times, people would show up who weren't ready to relax and trust their dogs to play with everyone else. They would keep their dogs on the leash, and tense up and pull back when our dogs would come up to introduce themselves. Sometimes little scuffles would occur, although I never saw an actual dog fight. If these people had less tension, their dogs most likely would have been more easy going as well. My stepfather still works on this sometimes. My parents have the biggest hearts you can imagine, rescuing every lost dog on their side of town. Several of them have ended up as keepers over the years, but they don't necessarily live together in harmony as one pack. Based on the experience of a couple dogs from years ago who tried ripping each other apart, and from getting caught in the middle of those incidents, my parents have been reluctant to let that happen again, so they have them segregated in different parts of the house. Each dog, or couple, gets mama and papa time, yard time, and then back to their room time. I've been hoping for a while that they start integrating the pack a little more, because I worry about my parents. I want them in a safe situation, and I want them to be able to relax and enjoy their retirement. They have been trying with the dogs they have now. I do see a lot of progress. The youngsters have gone to classes, and my parents have been working on staying relaxed while they play together and wear each other out running around the yard. I have hope.
My kids are under an enormous amount of stress. Not only have their lives been thrown in upheaval from the flood, and resulting damage to their homes, but this happened at a time when they would have been under stress anyway. My older daughter has just graduated from college, and is trying to find a real job in her field, preferably in the state where she wants to live, and she is working overtime every week at her night job so she can afford to move. My younger daughter is trying to complete her schooling, taking a math class she has dreaded, and a week before the flood, she did the unthinkable and quit her job without having another one locked in. Now she's in training for something completely different than before, still taking the classes, and still living out of a suitcase. Today she worked to get her and her fiancé moved in with her sister, and to get all of the animals back out of her godmother's house. She is wound up tight, and radiating tension. She and her sister are exploding in fights over the smallest, stupidest things. I had to spend time on the phone with each of them this afternoon, talking them both down. They will be living together until all the restoration is done, and I am going to be spending a lot of time trying to diffuse the situations that will arise. I tried desperately to convince my younger daughter that she was being overwhelmed by stress, and we need to find new or better ways for her to deal with it, so she can be more flexible and roll with the punches. Whether she is in the right or wrong, the panicked energy she is giving off is making people around her react negatively. She just feels more helpless, trying to control the outcome by any means necessary. From a distance, I can see this spiral between the girls, poking each other, scoring points, holding grudges. I want to help. I want to take some of the stress away. I'm not sure how to relieve their burden. I guess the place to start is to keep my own tension out of the equation.
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