Last fall, when my boss was still just my teacher, he told us that something close to 80 percent of all new real estate agents don't make it past their first year. I keep that statistic dangling over my head like the proverbial Sword of Damocles. I'm not sure what will happen if I make it to the magical one year mark, and I'm still going. Will things be easier all of a sudden? Will I tell myself at least I beat the spread and quit? I just can't tell yet. Today at our sales meeting, I got a glimpse of how hard it is, even for people I thought were destined for greatness in this business. It's brutal sometimes, seeing the bodies of the fallen along the side of the road to that one year milestone. I guess I should go pour out a 40 for those who won't finish the metaphorical race. Respect, yo.
After yesterday's medical frustrations, I felt like giving up myself. I keep questioning what the rheumatologist meant when she said "that's not lupus." She couldn't possibly be trying to say that I don't have it at all. First off, I have two sets of confirming blood results, and I check an awful lot of the boxes on the symptoms list. And secondly, she keeps making appointments for me to come back. But what on earth is she thinking, randomly throwing out muscle aches and dizzy spells as completely unrelated, when the available literature brings these things into the fold? I was nervous skipping doses of the anti-malaria drug, as a test to see whether it was causing the dizziness. But for the first time in weeks today, I was able to sleep, really sleep, when I tried to nap. I was under for an hour and a half at least. I didn't want to stop the drug, or even skip a few days, when it's supposed to build up in my system for six months or more for full potency. How do I know whether the quality sleep was just a coincidence?
I had been finding success in meeting my movement goals for weeks, getting out and hitting my minimum walking minutes at least four or five nights a week. I've slacked on that while the weather was too hot for me to exist on this planet. Now that the worst of the heat is passed, maybe it's time to start going on evening walks again. I used to enjoy doing that, years ago. I stopped for so many reasons, none of them happy. If I start again, will some of the happiness come back?
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