You know those days when you have so much to do that it becomes too much, so you do none of it? That was my entire day. Sure, I made it to the bank and pharmacy, and eventually I made it all the way down to buy the spray paint I needed to take another swipe at making our pie-in-the-face trophy. But I'm still so far behind where I should be at the close of business on this Monday, that I am frankly embarrassed by myself. There are strangers coming to my house tomorrow (my roommate's grandparents are stopping by to see him), and I should have spent the entire day panic cleaning so I don't freak out. I tried. I really tried. The upstairs is a bit cleaner than I left it yesterday. Am I going to be calm when company arrives in the afternoon? Probably not. But there isn't much I can do about it now. Not without going into a total manic frenzy and spending the entire night sorting the giant stacks of discarded mail on every table upstairs. I'd much rather go to bed on time.
I'm not sure, but I think today was the first time I went to Lowe's since the big change. It felt weird. I've gone there by myself a zillion times in my life, but today it seemed different, like it was "our place," and I felt his ghost there with me. It was nice that I didn't have to stand around waiting while anyone stared at rows of electrical boxes or sprinkler fittings for half an hour. But I also didn't have anyone to giggle with as I snuck a couple more plants in my buggy. I think this may have only been the second time I bought any new plants since he left. I do actually have room in the yard planned for these little guys. I just have to convince myself to do my own digging.
I don't have the flexibility to blow off my responsibilities tomorrow. Tuesdays are my big days, and tomorrow is even bigger than usual. I'm going to pretend that having a day of rest today was okay. But I'm still going to feel guilty about it.
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