The Night Before

Inspirational song: Up All Night (Boomtown Rats)

In my head, all they were going to do to me today was take my blood and send me home. I arrived slightly late at the cancer center, forgetting which day was the 10 am appointment and which was the 10:40 day. So I was a bit flustered when I went back to the lab. My always-capricious veins were as naughty as ever, and I rushed right against my limit of how many times I can have a needle sawing away in my arm before I start to lose touch with consciousness. So perhaps it was understandable that when the bandage was on my arm, I shot out of the clinic, and was several steps beyond the door when I thought, "Did I just hear someone call out, 'Anne?'"

I'm glad I turned around. The receptionist asked me whether I'd gone back to talk to the P.A. Sheepishly I answered, I didn't know I had to. So I sat down in the waiting room again and waited to be called a second time. It was nice getting to talk to the P.A. when my head was clear and I could smile and chat. The first time I met her was the day I went in for IV fluids, when I was just sure I was about to keel over and go into a coma. She told me my bloodwork came back good, and I'm cleared for tomorrow. So naturally I'm unable to sleep, staying up late playing games and watching my backlog of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. I haven't packed a bag yet. I haven't thought about what I need, compared to what I did last time. I'll probably take less food, and more of a blanket. The quilts they supply are cute, but small.

I asked the P.A. whether the effects of my chemo will be cumulative. She said some are, but the one I'm on is not. In fact, people on my treatment routine often do better on the second round than on the first. We also talked about my hair loss, and I gamely removed my hat when she asked to see my bald head. She explained that the excessive scalp sensitivity I experienced was normal, as the roots of my hair were dying. We discussed my plan for taking care of myself, for which OTC and prescription meds I have ready to go, and at what point I need to worry and show up either for fluids or if my fever stays high. (She said if it spikes and backs off like it did last time, it's probably okay.)

Nothing about this is fun, but I think I'm as mentally prepared as I can be to go through it again. There's only one way to reach the end, and that's to power on through. I just hope I can sleep some before I have to go in.