Solo

Inspirational song: 5:15 (The Who)

Whoa... when did it get to be this late? I was thoroughly enjoying a quiet day to myself, and suddenly it's after 10:30 and I don't know how that happened. I took life easy while Mr S-P ran errands and packed up his 4runner. He and Beinn are now off to the cabin for Labor Day weekend. For most of the afternoon and evening, the housemates were out. One is back, the other not (and her doggie is agitated waiting for her.) Tomorrow will be similarly quiet, unless I sneak off for kid time.

So while I had the house to myself, I did things that made me happy. I napped. I showered with a particularly smelly (in a good way) bath gel. I lit candles and incense, not worrying if I would overwhelm anyone's senses. I even did something totally silly and put on a Halloween ambiance video and played with tarot cards, because by the time I post this blog, it will be officially meteorological autumn. It's spooky season! The only thing I didn't get around to that I intended was making myself golden milk (like chai but with no tea, no caffeine). I was too full after making my perfect Okie dinner, chicken fried steak and cream gravy, made with chickpea flour. (Yes, I took a snap of it for my daughter, and yes, that is catsup on it over the gravy. Don't judge me.)  

I absolutely treasure my solo time. While it is fun to run my home like a boarding house, and I'm never really lonely, I get very excited when I have a chance to be the only human in the house. It must be something I got used to while the Mr was on active duty, gone on deployments for days, weeks, or months at a time. I had no self-consciousness about talking out loud to myself or to the animals (or plants or TV or cabinets...) I didn't have to worry about what I cooked or where I parked or whether the TV was too loud. I'm not aiming to kick everyone out and live like a hermit anytime soon, but neither will I pout or demand that the people living here must stay home and entertain me. I got that pretty well covered.

Also, I got sent a photo of one of the grandkittens today, the one who is Harvey's brother. I think he was sharing the same vibe as me.

Boy Cuddles Times Two

Inspirational song: Golden Years (David Bowie)

Ah, so much better. Quality baby cuddling today. I even got it in stages, so I wasn't overwhelmed by any one experience. First I had the teeny baby, all to myself at my house. At first he was a little fussy, but I persevered, and figured out what was his primary complaint. (In a nutshell, burps and a little spitup, exactly as I expected.) I managed to coax some really cute expressions out of him, including his practice smiles. I can't say for certain it wasn't related to body functions. Maybe he was smiling while peeing. I prefer to think he was really contemplating this whole grandma idea, and finding that he approved. He took a while to finally fall asleep, but once he did, so did I. 

I stayed in the exact same spot I sat in when he and I walked in the door for almost two hours. I was just so happy to finally have bonding time with my fresh baby boy that I didn't want to waste a second of it moving around. Even if I was asleep for 20 minutes, I was asleep with a grandbaby in my arms. I was happy. He woke up in a decent mood but hungry, and it was our good fortune that his mother and the rest showed up right then. 

The older kids went swimming with their parents. They intended to go to the rec center, but it was closed for an upgrade, so they went to the wading ponds at the river instead. The kids had a blast, and they showed up here smelling of wild water and needing a bath. The kids stayed with us while their parents took the baby home. We are going to be doing a lot of this sharing of babies for a while, so each level of child can get quality enrichment time as appropriate. We played for a while until Dmtri started flinging Lincoln logs around and not listening. (I said that we need to figure out a way to harness this behavior--give him a bag of grass seed and let him go to town in the backyard maybe.) Eventually I recognized that this was an obvious sign of fatigue, and asked him if he needed to rock in my lap until he fell asleep. He immediately climbed into my chair, and we watched a play-through of Mario Kart until he was out. So there I was again, with a grandson sleeping on me. I win at life.

Squeaker

Inspirational song: Pressure (Billy Joel)

When the play callers on KOA said that North Dakota State was one of the toughest teams in the FBS, I knew this would be a stressful night. Oh, it was, it was. They were indeed tough, and in the opinions of the announcers, well coached. I don't know if our Buffs were tougher or better coached, or lucky beneficiaries of the altitude difference between the two schools. CU made it to the very end with more points, but even until time ran out, I wasn't sure that would be the case. I would like to see NDSU do well the rest of the season. They're a heck of a team. I want us to improve and put me through less stress.

Waiting for the game to start was tough. I tried to take it easy, and rest my sore back in case I had jumping around to do. Instead I pulled a few things away from the front window wall, and painted a small section with just a brush. I still don't know if I'm taking down the plant bar and brackets, so all I did was under the window. Getting off the floor is a challenge for me (probably will be forever with a janky hip), but I did it twice. Eating an elephant a couple small bites at a time.

I didn't get to cuddle babies today either. Val had a doctor's appointment in a building that had what her mom said was the best designed "floor is lava" waiting room. At the end of the evening, I got a barrage of baby pictures, some of which I stole.

And while I was trying to get a photo in my CU shirt for tonight, the team scored a touchdown in the split-second before my thumb connected with the button. It was a crazy-good catch by Travis Hunter, and the smile on my face is genuine relief.

Win or Lose

Inspirational song: Flash (Queen)

Am I ready to get my heart broken again? I've been hiding from sports news, so I don't have any expectations going into football season, but CU's kickoff game is Thursday night. I'm getting anxious. I don't think I have a way to live stream ESPN on TV anywhere, but I'm fine with listening to the game on KOA radio. I don't know if our team has talent and or toughness this year. Will my soul be crushed, yet again? I don't know. Even if that is my fate, I am starting the rituals again. I wore my jersey today. I changed my nail polish to sparkly gold. I wore citrine earrings yesterday (but not the "lucky" pair, choosing instead a pair my stepmother gave me). I'll be superstitious as long as it works. If it lets me down, I'll pick my sad Buffalo heart up and wait for basketball season.

Social media people have declared this a day of remembrance for pets who have crossed the rainbow bridge. I'd love to scroll back and find a picture of Rabbit to post. I was thinking of her today, before I saw the social media trend. Of course, it was while I was standing outside, looking at her apple tree, and being so pleased that it was finally bearing fruit for the first time. And seconds after I had that thought, Beinn trotted up and hiked his leg at the base of the tree. Dammit, dog, can I not have one pure memory? Instead of a picture of Rabbie, I took one of Harvey. White cat, beige cat. I tried.

Game night was small, just four of us playing Dice Forge. First round was one of the worst scoring games we've ever had. Second was amazing. Everyone just about doubled their first scores, and the Mr edged me out by like 3 points. So close. I'm happy to trade losing at Dice Forge for the Buffs winning tomorrow. Can that be a thing?

Mr and Mrs Fix-It

Inspirational song: Perceptions of Johnny Punter (Fish)

I am facing a dilemma. I own a food processor that I rarely use. At some point in Valerie's toddlerhood, she loved punching the buttons on it, and she might have been responsible for breaking the piece off of the canister that presses the switch allowing it to turn on. I wouldn't normally worry about it. I'd just pitch the thing that isn't easily fixed, and never think of it again.

But then tonight I forgot it was broken, and got all excited about harvesting a ton of fresh basil from the garden up front, to make a pesto. I had plopped all of the ingredients in the processor, completely cooked some chicken, and had a pot of water ready for brown rice pasta. I tried to turn the food processor on, and nothing happened. I knew that Mr S-P had done something a few months ago to make it work, but I didn't know what. In between me texting him to hurry home to help, I started poking around and found the switch that wasn't getting depressed. We have no idea what happened to the little piece that he had found and reattached last time. It was just gone. 

He asked, exasperated, what I thought he could use to fix it. I said, I don't know... a stick? He went outside, picked a small stick off of the nectarine tree, and fiddled with it over and over until it stayed in place. He managed to do it. It pureed the pesto perfectly. And what did we discover, besides that we could get at least one more use out of the processor with literally a stick from the yard? We learned that pesto is easy as heck to make and holy cow was it good. 

My dilemma: do I replace the processor, knowing I've only used this one a dozen times in ten years? Now that I reminded myself how much I like pesto, will I use it more?

Weary Travelers

Inspirational song: Dear Theodosia (Hamilton)

Our intrepid voyagers have returned, bearing at minimum the usual travel colds, one each. They covid tested Dmitri, as "patient zero," and he was negative. Still pretty snotty, though. The one who seems to be suffering most is Val. She has a tummyache on top of everything else. I hope it's just the result of unfamiliar places and foods, and once she gets some sleep in her own bed, she will perk up. Think positive thoughts for her.

I'm trying something new. I normally try to avoid all pain meds that aren't part of my daily routine. When things get completely out of hand, I will resort to a baclofen or tramadol if I really, really have to. But for the most part I just lean into the lupus pain and let my brain do the heavy lifting. Today I decided on an experiment. What if I try to knock the edge off the pain gently, before it gets out of hand? Would I be more productive that way? First thing this morning, I took a couple regular Tylenol (Costco version). I did I again mid-afternoon. Was today wildly active? No. But neither was it a total waste. I took care of several things that needed doing, and rested in between bursts of energy. I closed out the day mildly tired, and no more sore than most gentle days. I might be on to something here. One day does not a pattern make, so this deserves more study.

I was too busy for much in the way of pictures. I stole one of my weary warrior on her way between airport and long-term parking. Rest and recover, my dear.

Easy Sunday

Inspirational song: Only the Lonely (The Motels)

Most days, I try to give myself goals, intentions to accomplish something specific, whether it be a doctor's appointment or Rotary event, cleaning task or babysitting duty. Today I allowed myself the freedom of no expectations. So glorious. I think I got more done by telling myself I didn't have to do anything. And yet, nothing was important.

I need to dive back into my Pinterest and save the recipe I used this morning for banana bread. It was exactly right, in the way I modified it. I still have two more overripe bananas, waiting for me to get more 1-to-1 GF flour. We put a couple more things back up on the painted side of the living room. What a relief to have the mirrored coat rack back up, as hoodie season is fast approaching. In anticipation of pulling down the big plant wall on the east, to paint that section, I ordered a four-pack of straight, one foot long plant grow lights, so I can reorganize the shelves, and keep more things alive throughout the winter. I selected the next step down on prime shipping, and it still showed up at my door by 4 o'clock (ordered at 10). Blows my mind.

The kids went to the beach for their last day. I was on the phone with them as they were getting set in the car to head out, and wow, was Valerie shouting her entire vacation to me. I honestly don't remember a word she said, mostly because it was so hard to understand her at that volume. I will interpret this to mean she is truly in heaven, absorbing every new experience and cherishing it as it deserves. I am happy for all of them, littles and grownups too. But real talk now, grandma misses them. I'm ready to hug my babies. I'm ready for shopping shenanigans with my daughter. If I could have my older daughter here too, it would be perfect. I don't know how she is sitting with vacation time these days, so maybe we plan that for several months out. Get me on her list.

(Be prepared for some snapchat filters...)

Old Stomping Grounds

Inspirational song: Rock 'n' Roll High School (The Ramones)

On this, the penultimate day of sightseeing in California, my daughter took her family to see the desert where we lived for a few years. Well, as close as she could get, as our house was on a gated army post way out in the desert, past "absolutely nothing for the next 22 miles." They saw Barstow, the high school the girls attended for three years, and the area around Calico, considered a ghost town. 

In Barstow they wandered around the Harvey House, which is now a museum dedicated to the history of rail travel, and how it was the lifeblood of the area. They took a train tour of the gold mines at Calico, and they really thrilled the kids with the simplest thing you can imagine. The kids love the group Gorillaz, a rock band whose members are always shown animated in almost a graffiti type style. The first song of theirs we ever heard, Stylo, used footage of a car driving on the roads outside Calico. They played the song and drove the road, and on the video they sent us, you can hear Valerie put it all together in her head.

I can't wait for my kids to get home, and rest up enough to come tell me everything they saw. These are major core memories, and they will cherish them forever.

Now, I need to wrap up, as I think I heard the Mr and Beinn arriving home after a day in the mountains.

Headache Triggers

Inspirational song: Torn (Natalie Imbruglia)

I took too many steps forward. I had to take a couple back. I tried to feel like a worthwhile citizen of the planet today. I went out twice with a purpose. But by mid-afternoon, a headache and upset stomach changed my plans. It's probably from a combination of factors. There are wildfires in Wyoming so strong the last two days we could smell smoke. I thought someone was using a fire pit in our neighborhood. Smoke has always been a headache trigger for me. I also have been dangerously close to foods that like to pick fights with me. In that respect, this is partially my fault. Well, in two respects, because I've just flat out done too much lately. 

So here I sit, feeling blah, waiting to see whether my daughter wants to initiate a bedtime video call while she babysits her sister's children. I have nothing else I really want to discuss. I mean, look in my eyes. This is not the face of a woman who feels chatty.

Joy Overload

Inspirational song: Freedom (Beyonce)

The last four days have been a gluttonous feast of information and entertainment for me. I am overloaded on joy and enthusiasm. What I am not is clear-headed. Composing sentences might be a bit much for me right now. I'll see what I can spin out.

I stole a few photos from the kids' trip. They have been going everywhere. Most recently we got videos from the aquarium and auntie's community band rehearsal. I didn't download all that many pictures, like the ones of the kids absolutely crashing hard after walking for miles and seeing the beach and museums, or of Valerie pretending to nurse her Goofy doll while mommy was actually feeding Avery. I loved the look on Dmitri's face at the band practice, so for sure I kept some of those. Fingers crossed we get at least one musician out of that trio. 

The Mr had to fix whatever triggered the check engine light on his car. He thought he had it right, had a shop clear the code, and then he took a long drive to make sure it was okay. (Pretty sure it was just a thinly veiled excuse to go fishing, but I'm not mad.) On the way home I got an "oh, dammit," text accompanied by a picture. Apparently he didn't stop fully when he took the picture of the check engine light back on. I wasn't sure whether the car was still acting up or he wandered into a disco.

Too Hard to Think of a Title

Inspirational song: Higher Ground (Stevie Wonder)

Oh, man. I slept hard last night. I dreamed hard, or at least weird. Sometime after dog breakfast (I know because they stomp on me to and from their meal), I had in-depth dreams about the house I grew up in. In this one I wasn't living there, but was leasing it out to other people. I was there, in this dream, describing experiences I and my daughter had there, where it felt like the house was haunted, or at least just not normal. I don't often remember facial expressions from my dreams, but I for sure saw these people exchange meaningful glances like they totally had similar encounters. Who knows, maybe other people would feel creeped out by the same windows and dark rooms as kid-Anne was in that house.

I didn't start moving until almost 10 this morning. While I was having that weird dream, I was curled up in a ball, clenched hard. It was difficult as all get-out to move once I tried. I was stiff and sore from lugging peaches around yesterday, and I stopped moving boxes earlier than most of the others. (I started earlier too, so I don't feel like I wimped out on my friends.) It took me quite a while to get the house ready for game night. I'm more recovered now, at the end of the night, but it took me a long time to get here.

Despite how tightly the dogs were snuggling me all night and all morning, they were trying to convince our gamers that they are attention-starved. Saoirse stayed under the table through the whole game, only poking her nose out for head pats and the occasional French fry. Beinn stood by my side for much of the game, breathing heavily against me (and dog breath is warm). I suppose it says good things about us, that our dogs would rather be in a pile with us and our friends than anywhere else in the whole world.

I noticed something wonderful today. I saw fully yellow leaves on my cherry tree. I will never see my aspens turn the pretty colors that they are already starting to be on the mountain where the cabins are. But I have cherry trees, a maple, and a peach to put on a real show out my front window. It has begun. I am thrilled.

Are You on the List

Inspirational song: Say My Name (Destiny's Child)

Thank goodness for streaming video. I didn't get home until around 7:30, but I was able to scroll back on the C-SPAN feed all the way back to the roll call, which I'm still watching. They just made it to Washington. I figured I should blog now, before I fall asleep.

I spent all afternoon and evening working peaches. I was there the second-longest of all volunteers. I arrived around 2 to put extra boxes together, moved on to split 18 pound boxes into 9 pound halves (we sold both versions). I carried boxes. I made decisions. And then I sat outside for three hours taking money and checking names against the pre-order list. By the time I went to the back to count cash and checks, I was wiped out. When it came time to carry my boxes to my car and leave, I had to ask for help. I could barely lift my purse. My back was seized up tight. I had talked the Mr into taking us out to dinner, but by the time I limped in the door, I said never mind, just make me a milkshake and empty the liquor cabinet into it. Since then, I've gotten up once to go to the bathroom, and beyond that, well, maybe I can make it to bed. Or I sleep in my chair. 220, 221, whatever it takes.

My kids eventually made it to California. I will save most of the stories for later when I can think my way out of a paper bag. I think they are having fun so far.

Going

Inspirational song: One More Time (Hamilton)

Y'all know who I am. You know who I root for. I won't try to be coy. You know I'm glued to the C-SPAN YouTube feed, all evening tonight, and for the next three days. I'm wearing blue head to toe, including the deep, deep blue on my fingernails. I'm geeking out on Robert's Rules of Order. I'm hopeless. But I'm also inspired and wistful and all sorts of stuff. I expect this to be a pretty good week.

I am getting very upset about transportation though. My kids' flight has been delayed multiple times because of storms. We are active in our family chat as I compose, waiting for them finally to board the plane. I think so far they are more than three hours delayed, probably a lot more. We have suggested they contact the rental car company and investigate the threshold for compensation from the airline. I think they are there. 

Those poor babies are holding in so well, but this is way past their bedtime. They need to be stretched out, sleeping, not sitting in an airport. They were supposed to be landing right about now. Come on, Delta. Get your shit together.

I'll Be Blue

Inspirational song: Blue Monday (New Order)

How do grandparents who live at a distance from their grandkids do it? How do they handle being far away? My kids are gearing up for a vacation, with their parents obviously, and I miss them already. They haven't even left yet! They're heading west, to meet up with old high school friends and to see my older daughter, and I am super jealous and also super nervous. Traveling with two adults and three very young children sounds like enough stress to give me hives. I know I've become much less of a skillful traveler as I get older and my movement and strength diminishes. I'm sure they will be fine. Doesn't stop me from getting stressed out as I'm the only one responsible for coordinating everything. I am responsible for exactly none of it. Somebody calm me down.

I got the paint completed in my dining room today. I had to move furniture, and to move my china hutch, I had to half-empty it. I was super careful, carrying dense, heavy stacks of Camilla Blue Spode and hoping I could find places where the cats would leave it alone. Once I had the chairs moved and that cool painting (of the apples and butterfly) secured elsewhere, I found I had very little enthusiasm for painting. It was hard to keep at it. I persevered and completed it, then changed the position of the hutch so we would have more space for games. I've slowly come to the realization that I'm eventually going to need a third gallon of this paint. I'll deal with that later, after I've painted the wall behind the piano.

I dropped off the backup toothbrushes I'd had since the kids were here while Avery was being born, as an excuse to get one last cuddle. The older two are very excited about the plane ride. Val told me she won't live in Colorado anymore, she will live in California. Well, yes and no, honey. But it isn't worth trying to explain right now. I told Dmitri I expected him to learn at least two new words before he gets back. And Avery will probably be smiling when next I see him. A week will be a huge change.