I wanted everything to be done by now. I wanted the business up and running (it's close but there are a couple steps left). I wanted the cleanup next door to be buttoned up (same as above). I wanted my own dining room deep cleaned and rearranged. And I wanted to feel I had the available free time to putter around in my front garden. Tomorrow is my self-imposed deadline on a lot of this, and now I have anxiety.
I did so much in the last week, I really did. I can feel it in every muscle in my body that I worked hard. I can see lots of progress when I look around. But now that I've had a few days to get used to it, it all just feels the same. Like I didn't do anything at all. It's very frustrating.
I just need to make myself stop agonizing over what's left to do and just go to bed. All those jobs will still be there in the morning, but at least I can face them rested and clear-headed. Maybe. Anxiety makes it hard to sleep properly.
I looked over my photos from today. They showed how I spent almost an hour between the front and back, watering the flowerbeds, vegetable garden, and the dirt patch where tiny grass seedlings are trying to survive while Murray is on vacation and Saoirse is spending the week inside with me. I almost let my new public-facing tomato go too long without water. Got to it just in time. I took birthday presents that came in the mail over to Valerie. Auntie really outdid herself this time. Every gift was a winner, including the little Firefly spaceship toy. She really got excited about that. And at the end of the day, my mom sent me some cute pictures of her on the riding lawn mower taking care of the Mother Park. (She only gave permission to use one of them, and I swore to her I could have written a whole short story just based on the expression on her face.)
No comments:
Post a Comment