It has now been almost exactly four years since Rabbit, my best cat ever, died suddenly and unexpectedly. I still think about her a lot, but I am relieved to realize the gaping wound she left in my heart has started to heal over. I can think about her and be happy I ever knew her rather than be crushed all over again when I am reminded that she is gone.
When she died, we had been trying to figure out where to place an apple tree that we had bought a week or two earlier. We brought her home from the vet and hurriedly chose a spot for her in the yard, and placed the apple tree on top of her. Many times I have regretted the placement, as it will interfere if we ever go forward with building a four-seasons room on the back of the house, but we will not be moving the tree or the grave.
Not a week after the burial, I was looking out into the yard at night, and I saw movement in the yard. It looked like a white cat with a black tail, exactly how Rabbit looked in life. I was sure I was hallucinating. This was during chemo, after all, so not only was I grieving, I was also desperately weak and ill. I just told myself it was my heart wishing she could tell me she was okay. But then we saw that same white cat on other nights, and it wasn't just me who saw her (or him).
This week the cat came back, not just at night. For the very first time today, I got a good long look at her sitting in my yard, studying the spot where the bird feeders spill onto the ground. I'm guessing that is her motivation for coming around. She isn't an exact copy of my Rabbit, but she is cute. A little more black around one ear, and maybe a patch on the side of her neck too. She saw me and Saoirse watching her from the back door and she took off. I got a good look at her black tail and white butt as she disappeared over the back gate. I don't know where she lives, but I do not believe she is homeless. It would be nice to get to introduce myself properly to her one of these days. Until then, she is welcome to haunt Rabbit's grave, and tease my dog (as long as she never gets caught).
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