Monday, November 27, 2023

What Are You Looking At

Inspirational song: Paranoid (Black Sabbath)

I did exactly what I needed to today--nearly nothing. I rested. I sipped coffee. I made a delicious bread pudding from leftover Thanksgiving rolls. This was the only kind of day I could tolerate after going too hard all last week. I probably shouldn't have allowed myself a late nap after sunset, but I really didn't have that much choice in the matter. I might be up watching videos too late while I wait to power down.

I did go out briefly, as we were nearly out of milk. I chose Walmart, hoping to find more of the kind of hair clips I've been wearing lately (close but not exactly). I was surprised to see that Walmart was out of stick cinnamon completely, four days after Thanksgiving. Maybe it had just been moved to a display somewhere. I put the twinkle lights I had wanted in my bedroom up over my plants instead, so I needed a replacement set. I found some with faceted glass globes, so that the light they cast looks like astigmatism rings. I might want these up all year.

And I don't know what was so different about me today. I showered. I dressed in decent but basic clothes. I styled my hair and did a light dusting of makeup. I got looked at and talked to more than I was comfortable with while wandering around the store. Once or twice I could have written off to people just being friendly or having holiday spirit. It happened enough that I was extremely ill at ease. I started wondering if I had a smear on my face or my zipper undone or what. On the way home, I sent a selfie to my daughter and asked if I looked weird or something. She said I looked like a Target shopper, and all those Walmart people knew it. Whatever it was, I think I would have preferred to be invisible over this.

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