After a full week of being too shy to whip out the blue placard, this evening I screwed up my courage and took the decent parking space. It was at King Soopers, and my closest store has a significantly sloped parking lot. I wasn't in a position to hoof it up the hill from where the plentiful open spaces were, and there were two handicapped spots near the top in the center aisle. I pulled in, grabbed the mirror-hanger from the glove box, and walked slowly into the store using my cane. It wasn't for show. I needed it for balance. Each step was making little shocks of electricity run through my nerves in such a way that I felt it all the way to my teeth. Should I have been driving, feeling as I did? Possibly not. But King Soopers isn't all that far from the house, and I needed an easy dinner (salad topped with rotisserie chicken).
I had gone out earlier in the afternoon, intending to go to Ulta for a special curly hair deep conditioner, and to Lowe's looking for a different shower head. The closest parking to Ulta was open and not restricted in any way, so I was good there. But as I stood in line, I got dizzier and dizzier, enough to forego my second stop and just head home. I thought maybe eating French fries on the drive would help, as all I had eaten until then was watermelon, but despite being delicious, they did little to calm my buzzing nerves.
I've made some adjustments to my medications lately. I am working on the theory that this is behind much of my difficulty in the last week. I don't know how long to give it to decide whether to revert to the old routine. I feel like I should power through, and give this my best effort. My rheumatologist offered to let me go six months in between visits, but I said I wasn't ready to stop seeing her quarterly. Maybe my hesitation was warranted.
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