Besides the chronic illness circles in which I travel, do people understand how deeply exhausting a simple shopping trip to Walmart can be? I mean the "barely make it the short drive home, then need to nap for three hours" kind of exhausted, not the "Oh, let me sit down for five minutes and I'll be good to go." I went for like six items (and failed to find or remember four of them) and I ended up having to stand around for over half an hour getting a refund from a machine that ate my money (turns out yes, they can actually refund the lottery machine, but it is a Pain In The Ass and almost not worth it). I tried to be pleasant for the overworked cashiers and line managers I was working with, but holy crap, I just wanted to sit down in a quiet place and not deal with it all. And indeed, I did sleep from about 3:30 this afternoon until almost 6:30, and it was the kind of sleep that hurts, when you are aware that you are sleeping, but can't get out of it, not even to move your arms a fraction of an inch. I still feel bad, several hours later.
All of this was because I decided we needed chunky crayons for the baby, who was at our house today. We had her for a few hours, and I thought it would be fun to get her coloring. She went on a walk with grandpa while I went to the store of doom, and when I got back we both needed a nap, but neither of us could get one as long as she couldn't wind down to sleep.
I can't tell whether this fatigue is part of my general state of being, or made a noticeable amount worse by the radiation. I want to believe the latter, because that implies it will go back to being better someday. Two days left and the treatments will be over. Then I just get to marinate in it a while.
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